"THERE IS NO POLITE WAY TO SUGGEST TO SOMEONE THAT THEY HAVE DEVOTED THEIR LIFE TO FOLLY"--DANIEL DENNETT
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Reacquainting myself with life outside the cult

KANSAS CITY, MO

10/30/2022

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Above is a photo of a WWII museum in Kansas City. 

A friend invited me to join her on a trip to Kansas City. I immediately said, "I'd love to." First, I love a road trip and second, Kansas City is on my bucket list. The reason is very personal. I know very little about my father. He disappeared when I was young and my mother never talked about him. The fact he was raised in Kansas City is one of the few things I know about him. It's a thin connection but it is something. Wednesday, my friend and I are on our way to Rockhurst University to hear poet Pádraig Ó Tuama. He sounds like a fascinating person. My horizons are expanding. I love that.
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UPDATE ON MY 21 DAY CHALLENGE

10/30/2022

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It's been more than 21 Days since I started my 21 Day Affirmation Challenge. My excuse: I skipped a few days here and there. I should start with a disclaimer. I may not have put in the time expected. The positive affirmation video was an hour long. I only did about 10 minutes a day. That said, I have noticed some benefits. Some were subtle like an overall feeling of being happier
about my life.

Since the positive affirmations focused on health, wealth, and wisdom, I'll report on each separately:

Health: Definite improvement in semi-frozen shoulder department. Background: I had a major rotator cuff surgery in 2000. It didn't go well and I've been plagued with discomfort since. It drives me nuts. While surfing YouTube, I discovered  a 14 Minute Shoulder Pain and Tension Relief Workout with Miranda. I've been doing the workout for about 2 weeks now. That has been making a big difference. If my shoulder starts to tense up, I know the moves to make to loosen it up. 

Wisdom: Definite progress in understanding what went wrong with my second disastrous marriage. Reading, I came across the word "mind games." I looked it up and the coin dropped. My universe shifted. My x had been playing mind games. That's why nothing made sense. On some level I knew it, but to name it and study the dynamics of the game was another thing. I feel proofed up now from ever falling for that again. 

At least I can say, "I learned from my mistake." That is no small thing.  I can let it go.

Wealth: That's a stubborn one. No big change. But I am more at peace with what I have. That's a good thing.

Conclusion: I'm happy with the result and recommend doing this kind of thing.

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UPDATE ON THE GARTER SNAKE

10/30/2022

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Cleaning the basement today, my friend, Danielray, found the garter snake that I thought had left. He was sleeping peacefully behind the furnace. He grabbed it by the tail and took it outside. Thankfully I was upstairs at the time, and didn't see the excitement first hand. Even so, I'm a little shaken.

Looking back, I am glad that I banished my kitty, Matza, from the basement all this time. It was an "abundance of caution" thing. According to my research, if Matza had found and tried to play with the garter snake and if it had bitten her, it probably would have required a trip to the vet. That is not in my budge. So she has sadly been banned from the basement. 

Sorry, Matza. Not yet, Need to make sure there aren't more somewhere. Need to wait for an all clear from Danielray. Better to be safe than sorry.
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CLEARWATER UNSCATHED BY HURRICANE

10/11/2022

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Well, it looks like the Upper Level Scientologists at the Ft. Harrison Hotel in Clearwater, Florida did it again. They saved Clearwater from the ravages of Hurricane Ian. While much of Florida lay in ruins, Clearwater just got some heavy rain. The magic of the Upper Levels lives on.
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HURRICANE IAN

9/27/2022

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As hurricane IAN comes barreling toward the coast of Florida, the Scientologist in the Ft. Harrison Hotel in Clearwater, Florida  are probably feeling safe in the knowledge that they will be protected by the Upper Level Scientologists who with their super Jedi skills will simply direct the hurricane elsewhere. I know. I was there one year when a hurricane was heading our way. And we were told not to worry because the Upper Level Scientologists would protect us. The storm died down and no major damage was done thus proving the super powers of the Upper Level Scientologists. 
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September 23rd, 2022

9/23/2022

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Perfect weather for out annual Arts in the Park festival. Loved it.
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SNAKE IN THE BASEMENT

9/16/2022

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iS THAT A SNAKE? I asked myself when I went down to the basement to check on my laundry. Don't panic. STAY CALM. FIRST--FIND OUT IF IT IS POISONOUS, I said to myself. Naturally, I ran upstairs to get my camera phone, but the snake had disappeared by the time I returned.
Fear ran through my body. WHO SHOULD I CALL? I had no idea.  SHOULD I BE SCARED? I had no idea. WHAT KIND OF SNAKE WAS IT? I had no idea.
Thank God for Google. I found out that my guest was most likely a garter snake and garter snakes are not poisonous. Relief. But still, not my idea of a pet. NOW WHAT?
Actions to take: 1. Place a towel under the door at the top of the basement stairs to keep visitor in the basement. This is not just for my safety but the safety of my cat. A snake bite to a cat, even from the "harmless" garter snake isn't good.
2. CATCH AND RELEASE. But how?
3. PATCH UP THE TINY HOLE IT SLITHERED THROUGH. But how?
4. DECLUTTER THE BASEMENT BECAUSE IT'S A MESS AND I SHOULD.  I know how, just don't want to. Well, part of me does. Now I'm motivated. At least a little. 

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FRUSTRATED

9/12/2022

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Skipped my Affirmation time today and day didn't go so great. Had trouble sleeping. Didn't get to bed til 7:00 AM. Slept 8 hours. Then had to rush to get ready to meet my friend, KH, for coffee. Had a pleasant afternoon with her. Then did some filing and cooking and tried to transfer photos from my phone to my computer for a post I was going to write, but instead i fell down a computer rabbit hole. Couldn't figure it out no matter how hard I tried. I had to throw in the towel. I hate that. 
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THE QUEEN IS DEAD

9/9/2022

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Queen Elizabeth died yesterday and tributes to her life of service were plentiful on YouTube. Beautiful and moving tributes. I broke down in tears after watching a few. I along with millions admired her for many reasons, being a pillar of strength for one. She's been part of my life, if only in the news since I was ten. I cried.

I was happy that I cried, relieved. That must sound odd. But to me, being able to cry, to experience grief was a sign of my healing. You see, I became numb to my feelings when I was an active member of Scientology.

I was a Clear and Clears were supposed to be happy. That was my job, or so I thought at the time. Of course, sometimes I was happy. But often I was miserable. Yet I was unable to own such feelings. Such feelings were traitorous to our cause. That's what I had been conditioned to believe. Well, that's behind me now.  
​
Good-bye QE and thank you for being you and gracing our world.
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DAY 3 OF 21 DAY CHALLENGE

9/8/2022

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Today got off to a bad start. First of all my alarm didn't go off. It was set for 2:00 in the afternoon. (I'm a night owl). I got dressed in record time and raced to the library for a 3:00 PM meeting with someone from the library who had volunteered to help me with my blog. He wasn't there; he was out sick.

The worst part was that I had skipped my morning routine: my affirmation session and my morning exercises in order to meet him. To try and salvage the day, I went to my friends house for coffee knowing I had to be back at the library by 4:00 PM for a board meeting. 

I had a nice visit with my friend but lost track of time and was 5 minutes late to board meeting.  5 minutes might not sound like much but when you walk into a room where 20 other people are all in theirs seats around the large table at their assigned seats, it feels like a very bad thing.

After the meeting, I stayed behind and apologized to our board president (who happens to be a personal friend) for being late. She graciously replied, "That's okay." I responded by saying, "No, it isn't. I'm turning over a new leaf. I hereby announce my decision to be on time next month." There were still a handful of board members lingering around who witnessed my moment of faith in myself and my ability to change. They smiled indulgently. 

It's a small thing, but I'll take it as a moment of adulting: apologizing and committing  to be on time next month.  Stop laughing. It could happen.
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    Welcome to my blog. My blog is not about Scientology.  It is about the life I am building for myself now that I have left Scientology. I'm in my third third of life, or Act Three.

    My blog is about sharing my ordinary day to day struggles and triumphs. I've been out of Scientology since 2011 and working on aging gracefully. Still learning how to be  "normal" again. 

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